Have I mentioned how I've been struggling with the idea of having children? Don't get me wrong, even since I can remember I've known deep down that I would be a mother one day. Well, with everything in the world the way it has been the past few years I've been doubting this. Sometimes I feel that bringing children into this world would be a selfish act and not the best thing for the children. I've always to experience the love I could give as a mother and the love I would then return from a child. Not to mention the bond it would create between my husband and me to create a life together.
I no longer have this decision struggle going on in my mind. Something pretty amazing happened to me a few nights back. I talk to God on a regular basis. Sometimes I think he responds but I'm never quite sure if it's just my own mind putting a voice to what I think, or want to hear from God. I'm still unsure whether this is true or not. However, I am positive of what happened the other night.
I dreamt that you and I had gone somewhere (how I can dream about someone I've not yet met is even beyond me. All I know is I was with my a man I romantically loved. Because I do not have a boyfriend, I'm assuming it was you.) and there was chaos everywhere we turned. We had to fight for our vehicle from people trying to take it. People openly had weapons out and were fighting. A few times you had to protect me from being harmed. As I started to draw out of the dream and moved into that space where you aren't awake and yet are aware enough to not be asleep I talked with God. I had the thought again that if my dream was any inclination of what the world could be like then I don't want to bring children into that.
I received a response. Often when I pray I tell God that I want to be used to do his work. I want him to flow through me so that I can help others in any way that he wants. Well, the response he gave me was something like this, "if you decide not to have children, then you won't be doing my work". It was a profound moment for me. Not only will I never doubt my decision to bring children into this world, I know HE has been listening to me, and I know HE talks back. Isn't that incredible?! It makes me all warm and comforted just to think about it. I'm almost in tears right now.
I've always told people that I have a relationship with God but it was not until this moment that I truly felt it in my soul. I'm far from being perfect and can admit that I am a great sinner. BUT, I know I am loved and forgiven by my God who is there wanting a relationship with me.
Anyway, I wanted to share that with you. I look at having children in such a different light now. I want it not for my own selfish reasons but because it is what God wants me to do. I am meant to mother just as you are meant to father. I bet our kids will be terrific! I'm soooo excited =-)
XOXO
I no longer have this decision struggle going on in my mind. Something pretty amazing happened to me a few nights back. I talk to God on a regular basis. Sometimes I think he responds but I'm never quite sure if it's just my own mind putting a voice to what I think, or want to hear from God. I'm still unsure whether this is true or not. However, I am positive of what happened the other night.
I dreamt that you and I had gone somewhere (how I can dream about someone I've not yet met is even beyond me. All I know is I was with my a man I romantically loved. Because I do not have a boyfriend, I'm assuming it was you.) and there was chaos everywhere we turned. We had to fight for our vehicle from people trying to take it. People openly had weapons out and were fighting. A few times you had to protect me from being harmed. As I started to draw out of the dream and moved into that space where you aren't awake and yet are aware enough to not be asleep I talked with God. I had the thought again that if my dream was any inclination of what the world could be like then I don't want to bring children into that.
I received a response. Often when I pray I tell God that I want to be used to do his work. I want him to flow through me so that I can help others in any way that he wants. Well, the response he gave me was something like this, "if you decide not to have children, then you won't be doing my work". It was a profound moment for me. Not only will I never doubt my decision to bring children into this world, I know HE has been listening to me, and I know HE talks back. Isn't that incredible?! It makes me all warm and comforted just to think about it. I'm almost in tears right now.
I've always told people that I have a relationship with God but it was not until this moment that I truly felt it in my soul. I'm far from being perfect and can admit that I am a great sinner. BUT, I know I am loved and forgiven by my God who is there wanting a relationship with me.
Anyway, I wanted to share that with you. I look at having children in such a different light now. I want it not for my own selfish reasons but because it is what God wants me to do. I am meant to mother just as you are meant to father. I bet our kids will be terrific! I'm soooo excited =-)
XOXO
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