"Almost" doesn't count

Right when I really think I'm getting a handle on my feelings and moving on, Kindred pops back up. Today was six days since "the brief encounter" and I hadn't heard a word from Kindred. Neither of us had contacted each other. I knew it was only a matter of time before I heard from him again but I was starting to get used to having no contact. It was actually helping me. Now I feel a pit in my stomach again. It's really rather stupid. I don't understand why I feel the way I do. I know that breaking up with him was the right decision, I really do. It's just so easy to remember the good things. I really miss the good things. *sigh*

I feel in conflict with myself. My heart is torn in two separate directions. It's always easier to be with someone while waiting for "The One". BUT, I don't think it's fair to "Him". It's funny cause I don't even know the name of my husband-to-be and yet I feel committed to him. I want to save myself for him and that means no dating anyone new...or old. I know that when I do finally find him I'll be glad that I did this. Especially since there's a good chance that he will someday read all of this. It's important for me that he know that I'm committed to the love we share and respect it enough to wait these long six months. That doesn't mean it's going to be easy and maybe that's a good thing. That just goes to show how devoted I truly am. I will go through torturous times because I know that our relationship is going to be the one that I've been waiting for my entire life. I've already been waiting 26 years. What's another 6 months?