Dazed and Confused

Not that it has to be said at all but I have been neglecting my blogging. Reason? Pathetically, it is Kindred. Argh! I know how that sounds, trust me! I have not lost sight of the reason I'm doing this or that ultimately I am focused on attracting "Him". I'm not getting back together with Kindred. Of this, I'm sure. BUT, that does not decrease the amount of temptation I'm facing or the lack of strength I have to conquer it.

I'm truly giving it some serious effort. Usually the way it works is I wake up telling myself that I cannot see him Friday. Today I even went as far as to text out my explanation. The problem then came with pressing "send". I didn't do it. I deleted everything and wrote the generic morning text. I'm even strong in the evenings sometimes. Last night I went to bed without texting him at all. I am not a fake person! I've always been very genuine and true to myself. I also do not lie. I despise lying! I'm acting out of character and it's causing me to exprerience turmoil.

The Intuitive Life Coach told me back in September at my first reading that being with Kindred would feel like bliss. She couldn't have been more right. That is what I'm struggling with. If you were offered a moment of bliss in your stressful day, no...your stressful LIFE, would you take it? I just want to feel it again. I feel good when I'm with him and that's what's so hard to let go of. In fact, it's the same thing I struggled with when I broke up with him initially. The connection, the chemistry, the ease, is in a word, blissful. I really can't explain it any better than that.

I know what I have to do. I have to tell him that I have no intention of reentering into a relationship with him. I just find myself convincing myself that I could do it "next time". I consider myself to be a pretty decisive person. Never in my entire life have I felt so completely torn between what I know I will do and the temptation of prolonging it for a few more moments of bliss. Temptation really is a weird thing. I feel like I've never faced it with such force before.

Regardless, I will meet my husband-to-be in August just like what was foreseen. I truly believe this and that alone holds my confidence that it will happen. The stupid part is I feel like I'm cheating on him if I do spend time with Kindred. I will tell Kindred. I have to!