An insightful sermon

The sermon in church today seemed to be directed right at me. It was all about temptation and how it plays a role in our lives. The pastor claimed that God does not give us temptation as a way to test us but I am not so sure I agree with this notion. Why create temptation if not to tempt? God put the Tree of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden to test Adam and Eve and their loyalty to Him.

My temptation? Kindred. I'm suppose to see him again this Friday since he and I both have the day off. I told him through text that all I know right now is it feels really good to spend time with him but that I'm not ready to make it a sure thing. I added that if he doesn't want to see me until I figure out my feelings, that I would understand. However, he did the opposite. He told me that he appreciates my honesty and that enjoying my company is enough for him right now. It made me happy at the time because I was looking forward to spending time with him. Now...it's just more difficult.

After hearing the sermon today I decided that I could not go over there Friday. I'm being tempted. I already know that I don't want to be in a relationship with Kindred. Right now I'm just tempted by the way I feel when I'm with him. I can't lie to myself, I really enjoy cuddling up with him and kissing him is very passionate. He compliments me all the time and tells me how he feels about me. All these things are things I crave and deeply appreciate which is what makes it so tempting.

So, as I left church I was dead set that I would not be seeing Kindred this Friday. Now, I'm not so sure. *Sigh* I really don't know what I'm doing!!! I wish I'd never put myself in this situation to begin with.

After church we went to the store and Kindred was working. I walked with my parents until we saw him. I came up behind him and said, "hey stranger". When he turned around I could see how happy he was to see me. Then he realized my parents were there and he knew he couldn't let on what has been going on between us. All in all, things went pretty well.

I want to talk to my mom about everything but I haven't. Mostly because I don't know what I'm going to do. My greatest concern as I've mentioned before is that I will alter my meeting my husband-to-be in August. I really want to fight this temptation! I know I should and yet I'm not confident that I will. In so many ways I have incredible self-control. This time, for a reason unknown to me I find myself incredibly weak.

I will be so proud of myself if I resist this temptation.